Lonely

This week my ex told me that he hopes that I don't feel lonely.  And it got me thinking, is lonely really the worse thing to be?

I have been lonely before.  I am probably lonely sometimes now.  But, to me, I don't think that lonely is the worst thing I could be.  I would rather be lonely than be unappreciated.  I would rather wish I had someone to spend time with than have someone who doesn't want to spend time with me.  I would rather fill my time doing things I want to do than fill my time doing something to try to please someone else.  I would rather be alone and deal with someone else's drama.

Something great about loneliness and being alone is that it makes me really think about what I want and need in myself and someone else.  I do not want to feel lonely while I am with someone ever again.  It was the worst feeling in the world to be with the one that you love so deeply and still feel lonely.  I will never put myself in that situation again.  I don't want the person that I am with to ever feel that way again either.  I know that I did that to my ex.  Being lonely and alone is a thousand times better than being lonely and with someone.

There is also a big difference between missing a particular person in your life and being lonely.  I think that for me, it is that I miss my husband.  I miss the person that I spent 11 years of my life with.  I am lonely sometimes, but lonely for him.  For the life that I had.  Finding someone to make me temporarily not feel lonely will not fill this void for me.  It is something that I need to work on myself.  Something I need to work through to truly move on from and get over.  Then, when I am ready, I will find someone that will fill my loneliness truly.  But until then, being lonely is not the worst thing that I could be.