In My Next Relationship...

In my next relationship I will do things differently.  I will also do things the same.

It is crazy to think about how much you can want something to work out when it shouldn't.  My ex and I once loved each other deeply and without regret.  It was him over everything for me, and me over everything for him.  Somewhere along the line, that changed.  Having reflected on it all for a few months now, I can see that it wasn't anyone's fault.  The way our marriage came to a crashing stop was the result of his actions, but it had been broken long before that.

We met and began dating in a teenage whirlwind at 18 and 19.  We thought we knew it all and nothing would ever get between us.  But things did.  On more than one occasion.  The real world is hard.  Marriage is hard.  Parenthood is harder.  Good intentions and love are not all it takes to make a relationship a success.  And when too much has happened to truly forgive, there is no going back.

Moving forward will not be easy.  My ex is seeing someone new.  Someone who I think will be very well suited to him.  I have met her in the past.  She is beautiful and kind and they share a lot of the same interests.  They will be able to support one another in a way that I never could.  I want this for myself.  I want to find someone who will share interests with me.  Someone who will support my passions and hobbies and want to spend time with me.  Things that I had to force with my ex, I won't have to do with someone else.  But, getting there will not be simple.  Opening up again will not be as simple as I may want it to be.  Even though I am pretty quick to open up to someone, it might be in my best interest to be different this time around.  To guard myself a little more.

Honestly, I am really looking forward to finding the things that truly make me happy in a relationship.  The easy parts.  I had been in a relationship that was too hard for way too long.  I forget what it feels like to have the simple happiness that comes with being with someone new.  I had that with my ex once upon a time, but now I feel like I know some ways to keep that feeling alive...stay tuned :)